This word means contention, argument, debate and dispute. I find that we are in a great controversy about all this sexual misconduct that is in the press daily.
Before we get into this I want to state explicitly I am against all forms of sexual harassment or abuse of any kind and think it should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
Before we get into this I want to state explicitly I am against all forms of sexual harassment or abuse of any kind and think it should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
That said I find a lot of what is going on now to be strange if not hypocrytical. Here is what I mean:
Hollywood is acting as though sexual misconduct and harassment are new and shocking to this industry. Are you kidding? This is the industry that has fostered this behavior for decades. Back in the 50's Hollywood was known for the "casting couch". Nothing has changed but the sick individuals who are perpetuating the behavior.
This is the problem with power and fame. On the one hand you have Hollywood executives who control the success or failure of actors and others. These people know and feel their power. They literally make or break careers. This type of power becomes addictive like a drug and then these animals (male and female) use that power for sexual misconduct. Sadly this also occurs in many other industries and certainly in politics. What is surprising to me is that everyone is acting so shocked by the revelation that this has been happening. What planet have you been living on?
Worse even is that the accusers have been holding on to this for years or even decades. I cannot believe that people are so shallow they would allow themselves to be abused and not say something. Is self respect that low in Hollywood and Washington DC? Or is the greed for fame and fortune so strong that it trumps even sexual abuse? It seems like it maybe the latter and this is really sad.
The fact that one can rationalize an abusive event or more so they can have personal gain and fame is paramount to prostitution. Let me say again I think all abusers need to be punished - no exceptions. However it is hypocritical for famous rich stars to suddenly come out of the woodwork claiming rampant sexual abuse by executives when said executives launched or made their careers. Under pure logic what this says is that the star made a conscious decision that the abusive behavior was worth the trade-off for the riches and fame. So who is sicker?
Then we get the flood of stars that have perpetuated sexual misconduct on their underlings. Again we are seeing all this outrage and shock. There is no surprise here - this has been going on for eons in Hollywood. It seems like there is just this "bandwagon mentality" that is happening. One person finally gets the backbone to say I was abused and all of sudden everyone says me too. Why didn't abused folks come forward when it happened. Its like people want their cake and eat it too. If you have been abused you have to make a conscious decision to report it or not. If you chose not to then you carry some blame for it reoccurring - to you or others. If you rationalize it away in favor of personal gain then I am not sure I can be as sympathetic.
I believe no adult can EVER compromise their morals when it comes to sexual abuse. Naturally children are an entirely different issue because they have much more complicated factors. As an adult you have a belief system and if you believe that even minor sexual abuse is worth it for riches and fame then you have implicitly accepted the abuse. Again this does not make the abuser an less guilty but I do think it precludes the compromisers from getting any financial gain from their abuser. (especially if they already got financial gain from this abuse - one can't double dip).
I spoke to woman recently who had her boss attempt to sexually abuse her. She was smart and reported it immediately. She lost her job and suffered till she found a new one but her boss got the message and eventually was fired. She did not sue or ask for any financial gain. She told me that if any person accepts sexual abuse (obviously excluding physical rape) and does not report it they are making a huge mistake. She said that coming out 10 years later with a "me too" statement is hypocritical. She understands the pressures from sexual abuse - will I loose my job/career, will anyone believe me, will people think I asked for it, does it make me a bad person and so much more.
We need to understand better the interaction between men and women, especially in the work place. In my 40 years in business I have seen a lot. I have fired men for sexual advances and inappropriate behavior. I have testified at a sexual abuse/wrongful termination trial. Have fired co workers for having sex at work. I have fended off advances from co workers and I have counseled endless women in the workplace. The dynamics are not as simple as they seem and we should devote resources to study them more.
Men traditionally have been aggressors, however with millennials women are being more aggressive with increasing frequency. Every situation is different but no abuse is ever acceptable. Understanding the stressors and triggers might help us to eliminate the frequency of this horrid phenomena.
We also need to be really careful how far we push this "anti male" swell that we see today as it could backfire. We could create a sexual war with no possible winner. I already know several business owners who are consciously hiring men over women when they have equally qualified candidates. They tell me it is just not worth the risk. You see whether you have abused someone or not as long as you are accused publicly your career is over and perhaps your life as you know it. So for men they have to make sure they are never accused. To accomplish this takes tons of extra effort and expense and some smart business people are recognizing this. If this grows less women will be hired and this will further exacerbate the economic divide between the sexes. We will revert and that is unacceptable.
I spoke to woman recently who had her boss attempt to sexually abuse her. She was smart and reported it immediately. She lost her job and suffered till she found a new one but her boss got the message and eventually was fired. She did not sue or ask for any financial gain. She told me that if any person accepts sexual abuse (obviously excluding physical rape) and does not report it they are making a huge mistake. She said that coming out 10 years later with a "me too" statement is hypocritical. She understands the pressures from sexual abuse - will I loose my job/career, will anyone believe me, will people think I asked for it, does it make me a bad person and so much more.
We need to understand better the interaction between men and women, especially in the work place. In my 40 years in business I have seen a lot. I have fired men for sexual advances and inappropriate behavior. I have testified at a sexual abuse/wrongful termination trial. Have fired co workers for having sex at work. I have fended off advances from co workers and I have counseled endless women in the workplace. The dynamics are not as simple as they seem and we should devote resources to study them more.
Men traditionally have been aggressors, however with millennials women are being more aggressive with increasing frequency. Every situation is different but no abuse is ever acceptable. Understanding the stressors and triggers might help us to eliminate the frequency of this horrid phenomena.
We also need to be really careful how far we push this "anti male" swell that we see today as it could backfire. We could create a sexual war with no possible winner. I already know several business owners who are consciously hiring men over women when they have equally qualified candidates. They tell me it is just not worth the risk. You see whether you have abused someone or not as long as you are accused publicly your career is over and perhaps your life as you know it. So for men they have to make sure they are never accused. To accomplish this takes tons of extra effort and expense and some smart business people are recognizing this. If this grows less women will be hired and this will further exacerbate the economic divide between the sexes. We will revert and that is unacceptable.
I realize my point of view is very controversial and I apologize up front to all those who disagree. I should also say I understand more about this than most so please don't email me telling me I don't understand the horror of abuse.
So what is the answer? As with most human interactions it is tolerance and respect. Men need to have very clear boundaries in the workplace - no inappropriate touching, no sexual innuendo, no overt sexual advances, no inappropriate meeting lcoations, and no sexting. Women the work place is not where you flirt. As innocent as it maybe it is inappropriate and may trigger a reaction no one wants. Save flirting and use of your female charms for social non work environments. Now this sounds simple but remember that about 50% of all romantic relationships are started in the workplace. and since most of us spend more waking hours at work than anywhere else this is expected. Why you ask? Because the majority men and women are wired to be attracted to each other. The others that are homosexual feel the same urges too. Since we are placed into a big crucible called work it is only natural that attractions and sexual behavior occur. So we beasically have nature versus societal mores. The balance is delicate and has to be maiantianed.
So what is the answer? As with most human interactions it is tolerance and respect. Men need to have very clear boundaries in the workplace - no inappropriate touching, no sexual innuendo, no overt sexual advances, no inappropriate meeting lcoations, and no sexting. Women the work place is not where you flirt. As innocent as it maybe it is inappropriate and may trigger a reaction no one wants. Save flirting and use of your female charms for social non work environments. Now this sounds simple but remember that about 50% of all romantic relationships are started in the workplace. and since most of us spend more waking hours at work than anywhere else this is expected. Why you ask? Because the majority men and women are wired to be attracted to each other. The others that are homosexual feel the same urges too. Since we are placed into a big crucible called work it is only natural that attractions and sexual behavior occur. So we beasically have nature versus societal mores. The balance is delicate and has to be maiantianed.
As we all get inundated with all these abuse scandals let us keep these controversial views in mind as there is no simple solution. All abusers must be punished but not all accusers must be paid or praised, as some accepted the abuse willingly in exchange for personal gain and thus implicitly enabled the abuser to continue their horrid behavior. If we overreact as a society we will change the workplace and probably inter sex relationships for decades - and not for the good. So my advice to all - THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!